Now that I have a date for the surgery, I need to make a note to myself so I can refer back to it on the dark days of the recovery. I need to remind myself of the reasons for the surgery. I need to remember that I landed here after having the ability to swim taken from me by pain that seems to be attributed to this tumor. I need to remember that the strange sensations and pains in my leg, hip, back, and abdomen will only get worse (not better) with time and that I need to confront my fear, trust my doctor, and jump towards the only hope that I have of regaining what I have lost and maintaining what I currently have.
I need to remember the times when I have lost my balance, when I’ve fallen, when I sat on the floor because the chairs were too uncomfortable, when I chose to skip a movie or a concert because I didn’t want to sit that long. I need to remember that while these things may not be better after the surgery, they will certainly, slowly but certainly, get worse with time if I don’t just jump.
And so… now… I’ll jump.