The Return of the Jabberwocky

I am back, and you have probably guessed that means the Jabberwocky has made a comeback – only this time it has decided to take a new form. Officially, it is called a Schwannoma, but you might just call it a spinal tumor.

When my doctor gave me the results from my MRI, I expected to hear that I had a pinched nerve. It never occurred to me for a minute that I might have a tumor. Of course, any time a doctor uses that word, it is going to shake a person’s world. But to be honest, it didn’t hit me the way you might think that it would. I didn’t feel the floor fall out from under me. There was no strange out of body experience where you hear the person talking to you, but you are some other place very far away. It was just me wanting answers and my doctor not really being able to give me any.

A couple of weeks have passed, and I have been doing my own research to make sense of my new reality. Although there is a chance that this is all going to turn out alright, there is also a very real chance that it will not. So from this point forward, this blog is going to explore my journey into the depths of uncertainty as I battle the Jabberwocky once again.

schwannoma-spine-mri-images

Images are not my own. I will post those later. If you, like me about a month ago, have no idea what I am talking about when I say Schwannoma… give this a try http://schwannomasurvivorsandfighters.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/schwannomas-story-of-discounted-tumors.html

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The constant struggle…

This morning I woke up with a dull pain on the right side of my head.  All day it was there, at times stronger, at times weaker, but always there.  I took my meds to stave off a monster headache, and it worked.  It never got beyond a level two or three headache.

http://www.tipna.org/info/documents/ComparativePainScale.htm

What does that mean? Well, it means that the “promise” of a horrible headache was haunting me all day, but it never materialized.  I went about my normal duties for the most part ignoring my headache, all the while hoping that nothing I did would spur it on.  It also means that I was exhausted all day! Between the added effort it took to work through the pain, and the fatiguing effect of the meds, I do believe I could curl up in bed an fall asleep right now (even though it is only 7:30 and I haven’t even had my dinner).

I was in a pretty foul mood most of the day either because of the pain or because of the meds, not sure which.  And now I am sure I am back to feeling depressed and frustrated.  I just wish I could be a normal person who doesn’t have to live her whole life around pain.  But I guess, if you are here reading this, you know what I mean.

So, tonight I think I will look for some good articles on-line about depression and pain management.  I’ll let you know what I find. Till tomorrow!  Hope you are painfree!