Retrospective… Post-Op Weeks 3-6

I thought this would be a good time to reflect on my recovery and to remind myself how far I have come in a relatively short period of time. These are posts from my CaringBridge site. I set it up prior to my surgery to help me communicate with my friends/family. Hope this is of some help to those of you who are just beginning this journey.

January 3 – Three Weeks Post-Op

Three weeks after my surgery… looking back on the progress I have made. The doctors took out the tumor and parts of my spine. They added titanium rods for stabilization and rearranged my back muscles to provide added support. My incision seems to be healing well… and slowly I am getting back to normal. All of your love and support has been amazing! Thank you!

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January 8 – Three and a Half Weeks Post-Op

Celebrating post-op milestones … before the surgery I was running two miles a day before work and often walking another mile or two later in the day… since my surgery walking has been a challenge and running is not even an option… so today I am proud to announce that I walked a mile without the help of my walker or cane. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t fast, it wasn’t pain free… and it doesn’t mean I am giving up the walker just yet… but still, it is a huge milestone in my journey to recovery. Now I will crawl back in bed and build up strength for the next victory.

January 12 – One Month Post-Op

Week four post-op update: the biggest accomplishment of the week has been my daily 1 mile walks – sometimes with and sometimes without a walker – I am still having to spend most of my time lying down (largely due to the cerebral spinal fluid leak that I am still dealing with) – and time on the computer or reading has to be limited. My pain levels are improving, and I am gradually working my way off of the strong pain medications, but I still cannot stand the pain if I sit too long or in certain positions. I have to be careful with every movement and even sleep in very specific positions… but it is getting better with each day. Next week I will be working on trying to get back some of my independence since my husband is now entering a very busy cycle will be working almost every day until late at night.

Since some of you have asked, I do think I am ready for short visits from friends, but with the flu “epidemic” please try to avoid bringing me an unintended gift. If I got sick right now, it would really slow my recovery down. I am doing everything in my power to try to stay healthy.

Again, I appreciate all of the encouragement, flowers, food, cards, and other tokens of your friendship and concern! You have all been amazing!

January 17 – Week Five Post-Op

Week five post op update – this has been a frustrating week – as I back off of the opioid pain meds, I feel like I have hit a brick wall in my recovery. I can’t find a comfortable position, and the pain/discomfort is exhausting. I have to continually remind myself that I have made tremendous gains. Yesterday I walked 1.3 miles (slowly – cautiously… but I did it) and I am regaining my independence (I can make myself a cup of tea and take a shower … but shoes and socks are still a challenge). Yesterday was particularly frustrating, so I was extremely happy when these beautiful flowers arrived to brighten my day. They were just what I needed to lift my spirits! Thank you to all of my family and friends – thank you for cheering me on! You are the greatest!

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Your scars are beautiful…

I have a confession to make. I am a bit of a royal watcher. If you, like me, love a good royal wedding, then I am sure you already saw stories about Princess Eugenie’s stunning wedding gown. You probably also noticed her decision to show off her scar. If not, you can get caught up at the following link:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-45835711

In one of my previous posts, I shared the story of another bride who made a similar decision. In that post, I reflected on the impulses that lead to such a decision. While Eugenie is not a SCT survivor (she had scoliosis), I found it interesting that once again I was finding a woman who felt compelled to make her scar a part of her special day.

I really do believe experiences surrounding our diagnosis, treatment, and recovery leave a mark on us. Our scars are the outward sign of the inner changes. I think many of us end up having a special relationship with our scars. We may put on a brave face and soldier through our days as if nothing has happened to us, but the scars remain. They tell the true story, revealing the challenges we have faced and serving as a testament to our bravery and our resilience.

So bare those scars with confidence.

Aaron’s Story

When I was first diagnosed, I remember being bombarded with information about what could go wrong. I didn’t see many examples of how this could “go right”. Then one day I stumbled upon this video. It helped me to have hope as I faced the surgery. I hope it can also help other people who have been diagnosed and are trying to find the strength to face the next step.

scar(r)ed.

This is probably one of the most beautifully hopeful posts I have seen from someone who is sharing their post surgery experiences. Since having my surgery, I have wondered at the number of people posting photos of their scars – proudly, almost defiantly – on the Spinal Cord Tumor Association Facebook page. I have even noticed that I have a fascination with my ever evolving scar. I want the world to see it. I want them to know and recognize that I am a warrior. While I spend much of my time and energy trying to live my life as if this tumor didn’t change me, the undeniable truth is that is has changed me. The scar is tangible, outward proof of the changes (emotional, psychological, and physical) that I have experienced in the past six months. And here, in this blog, is a warrior who very eloquently explains what so many of us have felt. Take a minute to read her blog, and keep rocking that scar.

aperture expanding

When I first started dating my husband Luke, I covered my mouth anytime joy tried to sneak out of the corners of my mouth. This was something I didn’t realize I had learned to do over the years, but it is something Luke caught onto right away. A few weeks into knowing each other, I received the first ever coveted “Goodnight, beautiful.” text from him. My heartbeat quickened and, unknowingly, I covered my shy smile with my left hand. Seconds later, he sent a second text saying,

“Let me guess, you’re covering your gorgeous smile and your green eyes are twinkling. Right?”

What. The. What???

Puzzled as all heck, I glanced around my apartment wondering how in the world he would have known something about me I didn’t even know about myself (also wondering if this incredible, seemingly normal man I had already known would be my husband was somehow…

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Tumors, Tears, and Twix

I promised that I would help you connect to other people who have faced a spinal cord tumor diagnosis, so here is another winner. Her blog is much more personal than mine, and her writing is fresh and fun even when talking about things that are anything but fun. She stopped posting several years ago. I can only hope that is because she is too busy out exploring the world.

A Real Pain in the Neck

I hate giving bad news. Having had training on grief counseling both in military and civilian settings, I am not a stranger to delivering bad news in my life. However, when the not-so-awesome news is about myself, I am really crappy at telling and retelling the story and delivering the information. It is kind of exhausting. Therefore, as I go on this next little adventure, I have decided to set up this website for family, friends, and anyone else who’s damn well interested about the goings-on in my life.

It all began about four years ago. (Don’t worry, I’ll try to make this as brief as possible. I hate long-ass tales of woe.) As I was serving in Kosovo during my Army deployment as a Chaplain Assistant, I began having some bad pain and weird sensations in my right arm and hand. This is very important for a soldier to…

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Do What You Can’t

I know… it is an advertisement, but I saw it during my first week back at work after my spinal cord tumor surgery, and I have to tell you that it really resonated with me! I was feeling so broken, so fragile, so incapable of facing the challenges that were bombarding me. Then I saw this ad and my eyes filled with tears. Do what you can’t… that is my calling for the next year as I tackle this recovery. DO WHAT YOU CAN’T.