I know… it is an advertisement, but I saw it during my first week back at work after my spinal cord tumor surgery, and I have to tell you that it really resonated with me! I was feeling so broken, so fragile, so incapable of facing the challenges that were bombarding me. Then I saw this ad and my eyes filled with tears. Do what you can’t… that is my calling for the next year as I tackle this recovery. DO WHAT YOU CAN’T.
I’ll put my armor on…
For the past two years, Saturday mornings have been reserved for my dissertation. I pack up my books and head to the local library to immerse myself in research. But today something different happened. When I logged into the internet, instead of searching for more articles related to my dissertation topic, I found myself googling “schwannoma” – “neurofibroma” – “spinal cord tumor”.
Soon I found myself lost in a labyrinth of information about this thing that is taking over my life. I’ve read stories of people who have had the surgery and come out on the other side satisfied with the results, but I have also read stories that scare me. Stories of people who now realize the rest of their lives will be dictated by pain. Stories of limitations and loss. Stories of good doctors and bad doctors. So much to process. So many decisions to make. I read and read, but the big questions remain. How long will it take for me to recover? How much will this impact my job? My dissertation? My marriage? And I’ll be honest, it is hard to be optimistic and hopeful.